I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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