Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
