oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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