you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
