guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
