My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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