shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
