you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
