if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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