Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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