exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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