He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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