the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
