i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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