So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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