thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
