I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
