My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
