just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
