Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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