Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
