Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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