we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
