wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
