why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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