she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
