I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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