It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
