I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize