i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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