I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
