Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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