I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
