The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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