Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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