So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
