part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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