They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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