just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
