this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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