i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
