So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize