I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
