I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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