There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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