I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
