i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
