My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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