i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
