i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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