I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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