It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
