I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
