drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nutella sex= disaster
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
