What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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