Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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