I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
