as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
