So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
