Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
