Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
