last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize