at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
