Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
