got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
