Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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